Why Traditional Marriage Counseling So Often Fails
A recent report from the Canadian Institute For Family Studies, an organization affiliated with several Canadian and American colleges paints a depressing picture on the effectiveness of Marriage Counselors in actually preventing divorce. “With thousands of professionals practicing and an average rate that ranges from $75US per hour to nearly $200US per hour, along with treatment periods that can drag on for months, if not years, one would expect to see a significant improvement in American divorce rates; with 40% of US marriages now destined to end in divorce court, that wouldn’t seem to be the case,” the report starts off before proceeding to break down divorce statistics by State and Province. Nevada is the State boasting the highest divorce rate, if you were wondering, which seems appropriate given its lax marriage regulations.
The report, which covered both Canada and the United States from the period of 1905 through 2005 casts considerable doubt on whether couples who seek the assistance of a professional counselor will successfully Stop Divorce from putting an end to their marriage. Although the study notes a slight improvement in divorce rates in the past decade -at least compared to the 80s, which were a high water level for failed marriages- it concludes that the change is likely attributable to changing societal values and economic conditions rather than the efforts of the marriage counseling industry.
“Given the high cost of therapy and the confrontational nature of typical treatment, which frequently leaves partners angrier with each other than when they began (not to mention considerably poorer), the option of alternative methods should not be discounted,” points out the report’s authors, in a nod to the success claimed by several nontraditional relationship counseling programs.
Marriage Counseling
With all of the studies and articles published over the past several decades decrying the apparent ineffectiveness of the establishment in preventing divorce, you may be wondering How To Save Your Marriage. The literature pointing out the less-than-spectacular success rates achieved through traditional therapy should be taken with a grain of salt; it isn’t, for example, saying that the usual route of seeking therapy with a psychologist or counselor is not going to be beneficial. For many people it is and the continued popularity of these treatment centers suggests that some people not only see positive results, but are willing to pay handsomely for assistance.
What the numbers do speak to is something that alternative Marriage Family Counseling services have been pointing out for years; high divorce rates despite the proliferation of highly paid counseling professionals implies that the traditional methods are not as effective as they should be and, for many people, they obviously don’t work.
Consider the methods that have been applied by counselors for years. Confrontation over the causes for marriage failure, with couples forced to endure weekly sessions where they air their grievances (not just current issues, but reaching back into time and reopening old emotional wounds) and then attempting to talk through the incidents in order to reach a resolution. As you can well imagine, this approach can be painful, drawn out and frequently leaves couples raw and angry. Some people can work through this and end up benefitting from it -at least they avoid divorce- but for many others, it’s far from appealing. Some spouses simply refuse to participate and then the whole exercise falls apart. For other couples, digging into the past and continually revisiting their bad experiences has the opposite effect and their anger leads to separation instead of reconciliation.
Therapy is still a valuable tool in saving a relationship, but many people would be well served by seeking Marriage Help from alternative sources. For example, a marriage counselor who takes the approach of neutralizing the problems that have plagued a troubled marriage instead of trying to outright resolve them may have greater success than a confrontational approach. In addition, it’s possible for a single spouse to make a difference in revitalizing a relationship through this method -something that can’t even be attempted using traditional counseling.
You can read other CIFIS studies related to Marriage Therapy (LP) by requesting copies through its affiliate colleges for a nominal fee. If you find yourself in the position of having to take action toward Saving Your Marriage, this site has a number of other articles that may be of interest, including a take on common Marriage Problems and how to deal with them before they spiral out of control. While there are still the options of bookstores and resource centers, the Internet continues to offer the widest variety of material for those fighting to Stop Divorce from ending their marriage.